Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
