I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
