Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
