Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
