New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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