he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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