How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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