I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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