Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You made out with two different species that night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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