As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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