Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
