Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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