I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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