Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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