This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
