we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
