we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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