I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
