I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
