Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize