So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
