note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
