I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
