I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You made out with two different species that night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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