His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
