I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize