My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
