if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
