I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
