Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
