I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
