and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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