An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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