Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
