I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
