brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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