can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
