I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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