You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
