The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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