I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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