I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
