there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
