you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
