Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
