i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
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The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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