Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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