So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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