You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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