I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
