I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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