you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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