What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
