just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is the high leading the old right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
