he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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