Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Found the puke drawer
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
