Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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