thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
