38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
