only if we run a train.
done.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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