if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize