I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
