Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
