Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So here I am, sexting at work.
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