3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
