too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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