just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
