I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
