y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
