She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
