Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
