I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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