Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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